1. She can be very servile. She will go out of her way to do things for my father most women wouldn’t do. She will even let him insult her. She takes it because she knows what she is getting in return. And what she was after was the family house. She got my father’s apartment on her name after two years of marriage, but it wasn’t enough.
2. She will play the victim. She will take the insults and all the work she did for my father, and throw it back in his face. She knows that he has conscience, that he feels guilty and she uses that emotion of his as her main weapon. (She also lied to random people that she is being physically abused by my father just to get attention, but they somehow found out that it was a lie and when they confronted her, they saw her aggressive side).
3. She comes across as too emotional. Her emotions are over the top. She drew hearts around the house with her and my fathers names in them, for example. She “can’t bear” being apart from him. She is just completely emotionally immature for a 50-year old woman. I thought that her emotional stage was that of a teenager, until I realized that she is actually acting. She has no emotions and since she doesn’t really understand them, she goes overboard with her acting. She probably thinks that what she sees in romantic movies is normal behavior.
4. Her manipulation can be self-destructive. If my father does not do what she wants, she can sit on a chair and not move for hours. She won’t eat, she won’t drink or go to the bathroom. She will go on a hunger strike or threaten my father with suicide. My dad called an ambulance many times when she pretended to faint from “the stress he caused her”, but when they arrived, she got up and acted completely normal.
So why does my father put up with this? Good question.
I believe that he can’t admit to himself that he was wrong about her and that everyone else was right. So it is easier to cut everybody else out of his life and keep her, I guess. He probably thinks he is too old to find another wife.
And because as long as they are alone, they function well, he told me. I might add- and as long as he is providing for her and doing everything she asks for. It’s better not to cause trouble, right?
Well, this is a fairly long post and I am not sure that it is really that comprehensive. Family stories are difficult to tell because the relationships are so complex.
I will stop here, maybe I will add more later, but I just want to list some more of her unusual behaviors.
* She has two kids who are great kids and I just don’t know how that’s possible, but they are. I don’t see them much, not even she sees them except when they come over to her office. When she married my dad the younger daughter was only 12 and she used to brag about how her daughters are independent people who don’t need her anymore! She is really a horrible mother but she turned it around and accused my father of spoiling us because he calls us and we are very close. She even said to people that she thinks my father has sexual feelings towards us! That’s how much she understands love!
* She would see a young girl, 30 years younger than herself, and compare the physical appearance to hers, obsessing and whining about it and asking my dad for money for a plastic surgery. She would see a sweater on a teenager and want it. She comes across as really insecure, always on a diet and very jealous of other girls and their looks. Very superficial.
* One day she is a poet and writing her own book, the other day she is a journalist who wants her own show, then a producer, then she talks about how she was a masseuse (which is the only thing I believe so far), then a costume designer in a famous theater..She can look you in the eyes and lie, and I thought she was crazy. But she is not. She just has grandiose plans for herself and sees herself in much better light than the rest of the people, just like many other psychopaths.
* She feels no shame. There is nothing you can do to make her feel it. You will feel shame for her, and it will be very unpleasant. For you.
* You can’t make peace with her. She wants only her “victim” on her side, everyone else in pretty much an enemy. She will find every possible way to create her daily dose of drama. She will twist your words and make you go in circles if you try to make reasonable arguments. You will think that she is stupid and that she doesn’t get what you are saying. When it dawns on you that she is doing it on purpose and that she knows exactly what she is doing and why, you will recognize a female psychopath.
Hopefully you won’t even need to come to that realization. Because, every other disorder is easier to deal with.