How to Deal With a Psychopath – Part 2

My previous post on how to deal with a psychopath was quite personal.

The psychopath did push all my buttons, and I did lose my cool. It was not the wises thing to do.

But my situation was specific. My father was the victim of the psychopath, not me. I needed him to wake up and see what she was doing.

I was lucky that my approach worked, but I am aware that it might not be a useful tactic for many.

Especially if you are dealing with a violent psychopath.

See, psychopaths love to win. They will not ever give up until the victory is theirs. Until you are destroyed, broken down emotionally, mentally, spiritually. They love to see you suffer. It’s so much fun for them.

So, don’t ever try to win an argument with a psychopath. Don’t even start an argument with a psychopath. You will lose.

This is Your Life
This is Your Life
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I scanned through the comments on this blog. I did not read them all and I apologize for that to readers who are well-intentioned and who wanted to share their experience. (Thanks for sharing!)

I noticed that a psychopath commented. Of course. They will come to read my blog and they will comment. Probably to tell me how I am a low-life and how I know nothing about psychopathy.

For this reason, I won’t even read those comments.

I blocked one user who had quite a few mean comments, judging only by their first sentences. But I left the comments for you to see and examine the way that psychopaths behave. Those comments provide good examples of how they try to provoke people to get them upset.

When you are the one being provoked, don’t give them that satisfaction to even think about what they are saying. Just ignore.

That’s my number one tip on dealing with psychopaths. Just walk away. If it’s someone you can get away from, just go. Sing a tune to yourself and act like they’re not even there.

Of course, there are more complicated, even dangerous situations. So here are some more tips.

A psychopath is usually interested in you because you have something they need. They only associate with people who can provide something for them: money, sex, a good reputation, or just some fun times. Think about what it is that you provide to the psychopath and slowly start behaving like you are no longer able to provide it.

For example, if you are a parent or a sugar-daddy to the psychopath, start living like you have less and less money until you reach “bankruptcy”. The idea is that you become uninteresting to them.

If you are a trophy-girlfriend, slowly make yourself look as unattractive as possible. If your relationship is “dynamic” with constant fighting and bursts of jealousy, start being boring to him and wait for him to leave the relationship. That way he will leave you alone for good.

Think about a predator and its pray. What do the animals do when they want to be left alone? They turn around and play dead. Some of them even start smelling bad. That’s exactly what you want to do! 🙂

Remember, the sensitive approach does not work with a psychopath. Don’t try to explain to him how you feel. Don’t ask of him to understand and apologize. Don’t apologize yourself. All this means nothing.

He will let you get back on your feet, only to strike you down again. He enjoys that.

And, what’s very important, don’t try to get back at him. Forget about revenge. Forget about beating him at his own game. Forget about lying, cheating and playing other dirty games. This way the situation will only get worse. He will never allow himself to be beaten. He will have the last laugh.

Psychopaths are lying and cheating their whole lives. Nobody does it better than them.

Another important tip- do not humiliate the psychopath. Ok, maybe this is not the right choice of words because psychopaths have no shame so they don’t really know what humiliation is. What I meant is don’t put them down. Do not act superior. (Know that you are superior, but do not show it). This could be really dangerous, because there is not a single thing that can enrage a psychopath more.

Don’t do this, don’t do that. So what is it that you should do?

Be happy on the inside.  Be a confident, content human being who needs no drama, who provides no drama.

One psychopath said that these kind of people are “invisible” to him.

And when the tension between the two of you is gone, when you feel like you can breathe again and you can finally go on with your life, cut all contact with him.

Never look back, never feel like a victim anymore.

Just take it as a big life lesson. And be grateful.

 

 

  • Michelle

    I am glad that I found this website. I am a 21 year old social sciences major in college and in my free time I love to search the web for these kinds of articles. I have always been fascinated by psychopaths because I went through a time in my youth when I was really cold and heartless, and people thought I was psychopathic. I had zero remorse, I bullied easy targets (including my own grandmothers and a cousin whose father just died) and if I knew that someone was going through a hard time or being bullied by someone else, I would chime in and even delighted and said “I’m going to make their lives hell.” I was between age 11 and 17 or 18 during this phase, but I became a Christian and I have softened up so much and would never dream of doing that to someone ever again. God allowed me to get bullied and I experienced a MEAN, psychopathic “friend” in high school and a little bit afterwards to beat some kindness and empathy in me. It worked and I am much kinder now and have repented for my sins against others.

    My story: I was always quiet and withdrawn, and never had a lot of social skills. In elementary school and middle school I pretty much never hung out with anyone. When high school came around I was so desperate, innocent, and inexperienced. I was eager to please and keep a friend, and one girl was more than willing to be that person. She started out sweet at first, always asking for some of my grapes or Cheez Its. As time went on, it got to the point where I was bringing two bags of Cheez Its everyday and two bags of grapes everyday. I bought her sweets and presents (can’t believe I did that) and she never did anything for me. She claimed that she was hungry and poor, and thought I was so rich because I had more food than her. She put me down in the cruelest and most vile ways, even in ninth grade. I just sat there and took it. She put down anything I liked, and anyone who talked to me. I was heavier than her, and I had two guys who liked me (one was a little chunky but funny and smart). She would give me cold death glares, evil smug smirks, and say loudly for everyone to hear “how the hell do fat girls get boyfriends? They are so fuckin fat, when they fuck the whole ground probably shakes and I don’t even know how the guys get past all that flab in the way.” while looking at me with this unbelievably evil smug grin. This was in ninth grade and everyone around me could see it and would look at me with pity but never stood up for me or asked me why I was talking to her.

    She put me down daily, and singled me out from my friends. The guy who liked me? She put him down horribly, turned me against him, said he was fat and worthless and should kill himself because he’s a worthless loser, and then would burst out laughing at look at me from the corner of her eyes. She was quiet, she always widened her eyes, and she bragged and boasted about how “not nice” she was, how mean she was, how she needs to get a shirt that says “devil” on it because she is going to Hell, and all the while just bragging and boasting about being a “troll.” For those of you who do not know, a troll is someone who insults others for attention. I made a new friend with a special needs girl, and she convinced me that this girl was only pretending to be handicapped and was lying for attention, and that I believed it because I “look gullible.” I told her that I do not look gullible and she laughed and kept saying, “yes, you do. Yes you do.” And still looking at me with this wide eyed predatory look. Evil, just evil. She was always going on about how everyone else was lying for attention, dishonest, and anyone who talked to people or trusted people she labeled as gullible and naive. Meanwhile she had very few friends and was very quiet.

    She gossiped about every one. All of her friends, teachers, and even people we were not friends with. She would call them ugly, sluts, worthless, fat, and pretty much every bad thing in the book. She complained about her parents, calling her dad a “fucker” and expressing disdain because her parents wanted her to be in school activities and get good grades. She loved to put down overweight people, calling them worthless and making fun of their arms, once joking that they look like chicken wings and if they flapped their arms around maybe they could fly, meanwhile laughing hysterically and looking at me, then my arms, and them me again with that wide eyed gleam look. God, that looked scared the shit out of me. She went to my teachers who I did not like and told them things I had said about them and they started giving me a hard time afterwards, and then she talked about me so badly that even her close friends were glaring me down in the hallways like they knew something I didn’t. I would try sitting somewhere else during lunch but I had NO other friends except for a few others, who were also bottom dwelling misfits who she also talked to. She knew my social status was rock bottom, that I got picked on, and had no other friends and she would be sweet and nice one minute if I was avoiding her, but then if I went back to sitting with her she started up with the passive aggressive insults and malicious gossip. She ragged on everyone, saying racist things and vulgar, sexual things. One of my friends (who she hated) got a black boyfriend and she laughed hysterically saying that a black guy would take anything that moves, and no other guy who take “that” because she is “so fuckin ugly.” I should also mentioned that my special needs friend claimed to be suicidal and broke down crying in the hallway. My mean friend sat there, smirking, chin in the air and looking straight in the air with her back completely straight, and said “What can I say? I’m mean.” The poor girl wound up transferring schools because of it.

    She alienated me from my TRUE friends, those who were kind and nice to me. She turned me against them, and even against guys who liked me. She did this deliberately and the worst part is, others could see it but I could not, because after high school they mentioned “she had you wrapped around her finger” and I am still so ashamed, like that bitch ruined my whole high school experience. She was cold, calculating, and after high school she hits me up on Facebook and starts bringing up my tragic middle school past, about how I usually sat by myself in corners and how everyone always noticed me. And then she adds the little “xD” symbol, like it’s funny. I would mention the special needs girl we picked (who she also claimed was worthless and should go and cut her wrists and kill herself) on and she would only look at me with confusion and zero remorse, meanwhile I was wracked with guilt (even now) proof that maybe I am not psychopathic but just went through a mean phase? I briefly looked at her profile (I did not have a Facebook during high school) and saw what she had been posing during the years. Stuff about herself, rude mean comments about others, swear words and dirty vulgar sex jokes, sarcasm, and all her likes were things like “saying ‘I know’ when people tell me I’m a jerk” and “I can insult people in ways they can’t comprehend” and jokes about being mean, a devil, and it being official that she is going to hell and then adding a HAHAHAHA afterwords. I nearly broke down crying, because I was so duped and so vulnerable and she was so cruel and knew it and doesn’t even give a shit. I had a horrible home life growing up, got bullied very badly, and I was so vulnerable and desperate and wanted some kind of a friend and my social status was so low in high school (it carried over from middle school) that honestly, she (also a bottom feeder) was the only one who was willing to tolerate me. But if I started sticking up for myself, or my friends, or being nice, she got tense and seemed to back away from me so I stopped doing that because I did not want to be alone. I literally had no other friends in high school and needed someone to talk to during lunch, so people would think that I had friends.

    Also on her Facebook page, she had pictures of her “troll” hat which I guess she likes to wear when she posts on one of her favorite sites, 4chan. (Horrible site). Nothing but internet meme jokes and the like, and then me, the kind new Jesus freak. I cared for her and did like her for some reason but the feeling was not mutual. I guess I just kept going back because I wanted to believe that she had a conscious because she did seem depressed most of the time, and mentioned that her dad’s friend molested her when she was little but that could have been a story for all I know. I almost envy that. She had such a calm about her, I was just so attracted to that. How can someone be so mean, but so calm with a straight back and calm look? Her skin even had a glow to it, and she just seemed so at ease. People would comment on her Facebook page saying hello and I love you and she would NOT say “I love you” back, but just say “lol.”

    It’s been almost 2.5 years since high school and I STILL have not gotten over it. I still don’t have friends except for my like, 16 Facebook friends but none of them are close. She has around 80. I want karma to catch up but sometimes I wonder if karma even exists because she got away with it for so long, never seeming to feel guilty and it’s almost enviable. Her bad attitude rubbed off on others as well, and I have noticed her friend list dwindling down since high school, nothing new (no new pictures since high school over two years ago) and I considered contacting her to see if she has changed, but my gut (or God?) was saying “NO. STAY AWAY FROM HER.” Her account is virtually dead. Judging by her sister’s post on her wall, I think she may have gotten kicked out of her house and quit college. (we both wound up at community colleges) Either way, I am still recovering from her verbal abuse (and from other bullies attacks) over two years later, still in college. I am doing decently.

    Lesson learned: don’t give stuff to people if they don’t give back to you, if you suspect that they are talking about you, end the “friendship”, and if they put you down call them out. If they have no response (like her, just sitting there all calm and smirking like it means nothing) then walk away. I think my main problem is that I perceived her vulnerability and depression as niceness or approachability. Very wrong of me. I have now learned that just because someone seems sad or vulnerable, that does not make them kind or approachable. I am just so ashamed that I let this bitch still control me years later. I just have had such a hard time making new friends and I can’t forget about her for some reason. Help?

    • Thank you for sharing this. Yes, this sounds typical and I can absolutely understand how you felt. I was also bullied in school and I will try in my next posts to address this issue more. As well as why we envy psychopaths so much.

      It seems like you are on the right track. Continue working on your self-improvement. Don’t worry about her and, especially, do not talk to her. She will pull you in her web again, if only mentally.
      My only advice to you (as a friend would give, since I am not a psychologist) is that you should try to only worry about yourself and what it is that you did that was hurtful to others. (You did mention that you tolerated the mean things she did to others, maybe you even participated in some bullying of others when you were under her “spell”?) I would try to apologize to these people, make peace with them. At least in your head. Take the responsibility for your actions and that way you will feel more in control. It will also set you apart from her more. Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to come under the influence of an evil person. And then move on.

      Hopefully that will give you some closure, and the past won’t hold you back any longer. You are young and great things are ahead. Best of luck!

      • Michelle

        Thank you for the advice. Yes, I guess I did not mention that she did get me to gossip about others. I gossiped like crazy whenever I was with her, and her “friends” sat there looking at her with the sad, shocked look at some of the stuff she would say. If someone was even slightly overweight that we were talking about, she would smirk and say “he/she’s fat” and then give me that sideways side glance. If they were skinny, she would sometimes remark on that or call them a “slut.” That was her thing. If someone she hated was skinny, she would say that they were sluts. She could turn anyone against anyone, and she used big words and was not stupid. I knew some of her friends back in middle school and they had been kind, but around her it’s like they got meaner. One of them I talked to but was very mean to me whenever she was around her, putting down “fat” people as well, but once she cut contact with her she and I became such better friends because she got nicer. It was weird. My “friend” rubbed off on others like a poison.

        From what I can remember, I was terrified of her, very afraid, because she had this cold wide eyed look in her eyes and some of the things she did and said I could honestly never do because I would feel bad about it but also because I do believe that what goes around comes around. I guess she did not have such fears and it scared me that she was so unrestrained and did things I wish I could have done and said but could not. She seemed so at ease and could forget people and things easily unlike me, who would not. It’s not fair that I get punished for having a conscience. Yes, you are right when you say that she had me under a spell. That is what I would call it. I cannot describe it in any other way. I don’t know why but I almost worshiped her and was so drawn to her without knowing why. I guess her calm demeanor attracted me. Like I said, I was inexperienced (I did not hang out with anyone ONCE in high school and still have not been on a date due to social anxiety) and back then I perceived depression and vulnerability as a sign that someone was nice and approachable. Big mistake, I’ve learned my lesson. From now on whenever I see those perfectly calm and at ease people (and I do) I stay the hell away. After all, normal people feel anxiety. Psychopaths don’t.

        I have mutual friends with her, who I don’t want to delete, on FB. From what I last heard, she moved in with her other quiet, misfit friend (who is WAY worse off than me). This girl looked horrible and depressed in her pictures, and was overweight (funny, that my ex friend worshiped this girl who was “fat” but hated me?) and on her Facebook, practically buttered up the girl. My friend would say “I love so and so (her friend)” and “she’s so awesome” and then I remembered, that she did the same thing with me before I cut her ass off. I pity this other girl, because I think she is being used. I had mutual friends with her too but she no longer shows up because she deleted her profile, and my ex friend has posted nothing. Scary. Everyone is posting on her wall, asking about her and she hasn’t responded. I guess she hacked her mom’s account because her mom posted “thank God I had at least one good child” and my friend responds with “yes, I am pretty amazing” and that is it. Her “boyfriend” is some 30 year old from another state who she probably met online through Skyrim (she was big on online stuff) so all those “Fat” bitches she complained about having boyfriends, well at least they can get them in real life, unlike her who has to date losers from the internet.

        One more thing to mention…she ditched her other “friends” that teamed up against me in high school. She pit them against me, too. Earlier when I mentioned what she did to me on Facebook (putting me down about my fucking middle school days, during our first year of college) she talked about the very friends she had teamed up with in high school to attack me. She called one a slut, told me personal things about her, how she never liked her because she is annoying, and how she doesn’t talk to her anymore.

        Every single time she ditches someone (including me) it is because we get better than her. Someone starts caring about their looks, grades, gets a boyfriend, a new job? She ditches them and tears them up behind their backs. Even in high school she only went after people who were worse off. If someone was crippled or more of a loser, she was super sweet and sucked up to them (like me and her other friend who wound up getting better grades by 11th grade) but once I and the others got better she ditched us (after attacking us) and went after others who were worse off. I really do pity this new girl she has latched on to. She looked terrible in her FB pics, with glasses and messy hair and like, 50 friends. And my friend practically worshiped her in her posts. I feel like I haven’t heard the end of this. I’ll pray for this girl. My friend even listed this girls’ family as her own on FB and deleted some of her own family on FB.

        Okay, I’m done. I just needed to get this out because I am 21 and need to gain a social life, but I have been preyed upon by mean, psychopathic types in the past who mess with me because they can pick up on my vulnerability. I almost want to quit and just be a recluse forever. People are so cruel. 🙁

  • Lorelei Phoenix

    We’re currently dealing with a full blown low functioning psycopath in the family, he is just spiraling down and trying to drag every body down with him. We’ve always know that he is not the best person but now it’s like a switch flipped and he is plain fucking up on every aspect in life trying to get everyone against each other.
    Not my problem, I’m too much of a bitch to get manipulated or get affected by his generic insults but I worry about my sister in law, she’s so brainwashed that she completely believes what he says, I mean this guys keeps dragging her from home to home couch surfing(because they get kicked out of everywhere), only lives off her and completely intimidates her into fulfilling his will(for about 5 years)…and she gets absolutely pissed if anyone recommends if he should get some sort of help.
    I obviously known she’s fucked in the head(needy too) that’s why she supports and tolerates his behavior but what the heck can I do for her, to get her out of that “dick trance” so she can realize wtf is going on? How can I open her eyes when he brags about having her under control the she willingly buys him a motorcycle the next day?

  • Lorelei Phoenix

    Hello, we’re dealing with a full blown out, low functioning psycopath in the family who is trying to get everybody against each other and eventually drag down who ever he can. Everybody knew he was messed up somehow but something flipped a switch and he is now spiraling down trying to drag everyone else along with him.
    I’m too much of a bitch to be manipulated or to have any consideration for his insults, but I am deeply worried for my sister in law who is subject to his BS. She has been subject to couch surfing for several years because they get kicked out of everyplace and once they do he burns all bridges. He has been leeching off her(he’s 24 and never had a job) and intimidating her to fulfill his dumb dreams and desires also has her completely brainwashed to where she will only believe himm over any one else. I understand she is also messed up in the head and terribly needy but is there anything I can do to open her eyes? I stI’ll have hopes for her, what can I possibly do for this poor dumb girl?